Conflict and struggle led to progress
Classroom Management Resource Page� ��� �Shindler� ���� School Climate� ��� �PLSI� ����� Teaching�� -��� Workshops by JVSChapter 15: A Win-Win Approach to Conflict Resolution and Potential Power Struggles From Transformative Classroom Management. By John Shindler. �2008 Reproduction is unlawful without permission In this Chapter:
Conflict is a natural part of any functional class. In fact, it is not necessarily a sign that there are problems with the classroom management or with the health of the classroom community. But it does often lead to unhappiness, discomfort, and or the need for members of the class to emotionally withdrawal or attack. So making sense of conflict, and providing our students with the skills, knowledge and dispositions to process it effectively is essential to creating a functional democratic classroom. Where does conflict originate? It comes from many sources, and it takes many forms. Sometimes it is brought into the class from the outside, and sometimes it is created within the class. Either way, when it is examined with a sufficient amount of awareness, it can be a useful means to personal and collective growth. Our job as teachers is to help our students see that conflict can be an opportunity, rather than just a source of grief. Chapter Reflection 15-a: In the most recent classrooms that you have observed, was there conflict present? What form did it take? Who was responsible for initiating it, and/or perpetuating it? Exploring the Most Common Sources of Conflict The most common sources of classroom conflict include the following:
As we develop our �culture of listening and respect� (discussed in Chapter 12), we need to help students separate difference of opinion from personal attack. We need to help them learn the skills of self-expression, while keeping the dignity and respect of others paramount. Helping students keep in mind that their ideas have changed over time and will undoubtedly change in the future can be useful. As they better distinguish their ideas from themselves, then they find it much easier to discuss them without getting defensive. We as teachers need to allow students to disagree and permit them time to process those emotions. As they learn that not always being right or having others agree is not the end of the world, they become more comfortable with self-expression and less fearful of conflict. Chapter Reflection 15-b: While few of us are entirely comfortable with a great deal of conflict, for some of our students it can lead to a great deal of drama, pain, and/or emotional reactivity. It may be worth getting to know how your students react to conflict. Why do some students always need to be right? Why do some students feel so personally attacked when someone disagrees with their idea? How can we help our students express themselves and feel safe? Understanding the human ego�s need to defend itself is a useful starting point as we try to make sense of this area and for how to promote a healthy intellectual climate in the class. In addition, we need to help students express their ideas in ways that do not attack others. A good way to start is to help them use phrasing that identifies their idea as �their opinion.� I-messages are useful for this purpose. For example, we might encourage a student to say, �From what I understand, I think a gas tax is a bad idea,� as opposed to �A gas tax is a terrible idea!� The first phrase does an adequate job of expressing an opinion, as such, whereas the second expresses the same opinion as a fact that essentially picks a fight. Practicing how to phrase opinions at the beginning of the year is time well spent. Leading the class in a concept attainment or classification exercise related to �good ways to express opinions� vs. �bad ways to express opinions,� can help clarify the difference more concretely. Putting the exercise on butcher paper and leaving it on the wall for a few weeks to refer to may be helpful as well. And as we continuously need to keep in mind the most powerful learning in this area will come from the modeling of the teacher. So model what you want to see from your students. Expect this to be more challenging than it sounds.
What Teachers should avoid with regard to conflict between students:
What Teachers should encourage with regard to conflict between students: � The use of a well established set of guidelines for conflict resolution (see win-win conflict resolution guidelines below).� An effective and uniform system helps support a sense of safety and learning for students. � Skills related to expressing and owning one�s feelings. I-messages and empathy are difficult skills to learn, but they are effective and save a lot of pain and suffering. � An effort on the part of the student to ask themselves, �What is the best thing for the class as a whole, and can I find a solution that meets my needs and is good for the group as well?� � An inclination to solve one�s own conflicts. It may feel difficult not to intervene at first, but as time goes on you will be surprised at how empowering it can be for the students, especially those that have previously been dependent on adult interventions. � An inclination to think in terms of one�s own behavior first and others second. Too often conflicts escalate because students all feel the need to point out the misbehavior of other students. We have all heard countless phrases that begin with �Teacher, ____ is _____ ing.� Aside from the most severe cases, attending to these types of student pleas for your intervention will only increase the amount of conflict and encourage an external locus of control mentality. A useful phrase in these cases can be �If everyone takes care of themselves we will be fine.� � An effort to recognize how much they are growing in their conflict resolution skills. As with the other skills that you are trying to encourage, don�t hold back your pride and respect for the students that are making the effort to grow in a new and difficult area. (see personal recognition vs. praise, Chapter 6). � Openness to modifying the social contract. If a conflict or a series of conflicts send the message that something is not working, use the opportunity to brainstorm a contract modification. This activity can be a very conspicuous opportunity to model the principle � conflict is an opportunity for growth. Chapter Reflection 15-c: As you reflect on the last class that you observed, how many of the interventions of the teacher would you classify as being consistent with the list outlining �what to encourage,� and how many fell into �what to avoid?� Did you see evidence of the effect they had over time?
Chapter Reflection 15-d: As you have been asked to do throughout the book, reflect on the relationship between teacher action and student reaction. Recall classrooms in which there is nearly no conflict, and other classes in the same school in which there is a great deal. What is the difference? In your opinion how much of the conflict in any class is created (both directly and indirectly) by the actions of the teacher?
For example, a teacher may have a homework policy that makes perfect sense to them, but a good number of their students do not do most or all of their homework. In cases like this, it is important that we listen to our students needs. Ask them what they would change in the policy to ensure that everyone came with their homework completed. After listening to suggestions, you can find a practicable compromise that works for all parties. Jane Bluestein (20tt) calls this negotiating a �boundary.� She suggests conflict is minimized when each party can accept a policy boundary that �works for them.� This process helps meet the students� basic need for power and brings another level of clarity to the expectations. Chapter Reflection 15 �e: Recall our discussions in Chapters 6 and 11 related to boundary setting. It can be a potent tool for the teacher to promote clear expectations and student empowerment, but can also lead to an excessive amount of bargaining if it is not done intentionally, and proactively.
Win-Win Conflict resolution: Having a system for conflict resolution in place for our classroom or school can have many positive benefits. First, it will reduce the amount and intensity of the conflicts that do occur. Second, it will help students build useful skills to solve their own problems - skills that will be valuable both within the school walls, and outside in their homes and communities. Third, the conflict resolution skills discussed below will act to promote a deeper sense of responsibility, community and success psychology among the student body of a school or classroom. Naomi Drew, author of the book Hope and Healing offers a 6-step process for successful conflict resolution. It can be used by students for self-mediation, or used by a peer mediator. These steps provide a useful framework for examining how to make a conflict an opportunity for growth rather than disharmony. Step 1: Cool off. Help the students consciously witness the tendency within them for the pain reaction to rise when first confronted by a conflict. As Tolle suggests when one brings conscious awareness to the inner pain reaction, it will begin to fade. Then the student can then begin to shift their attention away from the past (where the pain-body wants to keep it) into the present moment (where they will be able to think rationally). Once they feel they are ready to approach the problem constructively, they are ready to go on to the next step and engage with others to problem solve. Chapter Reflection 15-f: Can you recognize this pain-body reaction within yourself when it arises? We all have a pain-body, and while the triggers may be different (e.g., insecurity for one person, and rejection for another person), the mechanism is rather similar. When the pain-body reaction arises, notice how you actually desire more pain and a perpetuation of the angry emotions. Seeing it within yourself will make you much more effective when you see it arise within your students. Step 2: Tell what�s bothering you using �I
messages.� Therefore, the language in the participants� communication at this stage needs to work to offer information and clarity, rather than blame.� A good technique for accomplishing this is the use of �I statements.� As mentioned earlier in the chapter, I statements are phrases such as �I was waiting my turn and it seemed to be that you stepped in front of me,� or �What I heard you say was �I am a fool� and I did not think it was funny, and I did not appreciate it.� Drew recommends that when making �I� statements it�s important to avoid put-downs, guilt-trips, sarcasm, or negative body language. They need to simply report information and one�s experience. And it is important to remind participants that both events and feelings are useful information at this stage in the process. The students need to maintain a win-win mindset throughout the process. And at this stage, information contributes to solutions, whereas blame, attacks, and victim language contribute to losers within the process.� This early step requires a great deal of trust on the part of the participants. They will be tempted to give in to a competitive win-lose mentality.� So in the early stages of facilitating this process, you will be required to provide a great deal of encouragement to your students to trust the process and their classmates. Chapter Reflection 15-g: Thomas Gordon, the inventor of the term I-messages, has developed a great deal of information on what they are and how to use them. His Teacher Effectiveness Training website is full of good ideas in this area.
Using the example above, one such statement might be, �I heard you say that you did not think it was funny when I called you are a fool, is that correct?� Do you hear the clarity it introduces to the process, as well as the empathy?
Participants need to embrace the attitude �what can we each do to make things better in the future?� This attitude is in direct contrast to the attitude characterized by the statement �It is not my fault� or �It is your fault.� Again, the skills related to a successful resolution to conflict do not come easily and will take a great deal of encouragement and practice as the concrete experience of success, which can only come with time. The natural tendencies to defend, share one�s pain, or obtain �justice� will be difficult to break. But a powerful resource that you as the facilitator will always have is that taking part in a successful resolution process feels deeply satisfying to the participant. Use this awareness to motivated participants to stick with it, and resist bad habits. Chapter Reflection 15-h: As you read each of these steps, do you find yourself subtly resisting the ideas? It is natural, and understanding why can be instructive. What about these ideas is threatening? Is there a part of you holding on to the belief that this is all too much work, and that conflict is just natural and inevitable? Is your ego rooting for win-lose conflict resolution rather than win-win? Listen to your inner-voice of resistance. What is it telling you?
For younger students it can be immensely helpful for the teacher to ask guiding questions to help the process along. The teacher might ask, questions such as �What is it that each of you want?� �What did you do today to try to get what you wanted?� �What happened?� �What could you do tomorrow to get what you want without one person feeling hurt?� As you guide this process, give students time to think after you ask your questions, and resist the temptation to give them answers, unless absolutely necessary.� After hearing a workable idea offered, you might ask, �Would that solution work for both of you?� For older students, it may be effective to have each participant take some time either independently, or if it makes more sense, as a team, and brainstorm a set of ideas on paper. They should be encouraged to think of a series of ideas. As with any brainstorming exercise, students should recognize that items further down the list often end up being most insightful. Participants can then examine each list and agree on a solution that is most acceptable. It should be noted that the conflict resolution process should be part of the social contract, but does not imply that consequences for contract violations are ignored. For example, in the case of two students involved in a physical altercation, we can assume that we have some form of consequence for hitting. Therefore in a situation where one student hits another, in response to a hurtful comment, a conflict resolution process should be employed, but the consequence for hitting still needs to be implemented. The conflict resolution process will help aid in supporting better decisions in the future and mend the relationship between the students. But the class needs to understand that when they violate the social contract, there are consequence in place.
Every time the students successfully execute this conflict resolution process their skills for dealing with conflict within and without grow.� If they can learn at an early point in life to recognize their defensive pain-driven mental reaction, become responsible for their actions, and to forgive and move on, they will have acquired skills that are as valuable as anything they will learn in their time in school. As the students become more skilled at this process observe both the social and communal bonds grow. The social bonds will grow, because the students will develop more respectful and effective ways to interact. The communal bonds will grow as they learn to work through difficult situations collaboratively. To have community, we have to need each other. This process brings students out of their emotional isolation into a trusting and needs satisfying place. As you examine the ways in which this conflict resolution process affects students you might recall our discussion in Chapter 8 related to the formation of a psychology of success.� Win-win conflict resolution skills promote each of the factors: internal locus of control, acceptance and belonging, and a mastery orientation to learning. And recalling our exploration of how to promote responsibility in our classes in Chapter 11, it should be apparent how this process can be a powerful tool in the development of a more responsible approach to problems within the class. Chapter Reflection 15-i: Imagine a school in which students were experts in conflict resolution. They do exist, and the results they achieve are often remarkable when it comes to reducing fighting, bullying, arguments, and all the many conflicts that arise in collective spaces at a school. Consider encouraging your school to take a school-wide approach to conflict resolution modeled after one of the successful schools and the principles outlines above. Table 15.1 Benefits of a deliberate and effective way of dealing with conflict.
Reference: UCSD Human resources div. Figure 15.2: Possible Phrases for a Wall Chart to Support Conflict Resolution Success In This Class We . . . � Deal with conflict constructively, thoughtfully and deliberately � Recognize that conflict comes from thoughts, so we can change our thoughts and end or reduce conflicts when we so choose. � Understand that conflicts have solutions if we make the effort to look for them � Use conflict as an opportunity to make us better as individuals and as a class � See ourselves becoming more skilled at conflict resolution all the time Dealing with Conflict within the Social ContractBy definition a social contract exists to meet the needs of its members. If it is not meeting its members� needs, in the most effective and fair manner, then it should be modified. Usually a good sign that it needs to be modified is the presence of conflict. If we experience a persistent problem in the class we may want to go about a system of problem solving and then adopt the new solution into our social contract. For example, if we find the students fighting over who gets to use the computers, it is a sign that we need a better system for computer use. As in all cases related to the development of the social contract, the more democratic the process is, the more sense of ownership of the outcome there will likely be. So when contentious issues arise among members of the class, it may signal the opportunity for a class meeting or at least a brainstorming exercise. Chapter Reflection 15-j: What is your instinct when conflict arises in your class or within groups that you are leading? Is it to take over or is it to use the conflict as an opportunity for growth and problem solving? If you are attempting to head down the road of being a 1-type teacher, you will want to find an efficient system for conducting class meetings. Recall that they do not need to take more than a few minutes. Power Struggles As we examine the idea of potential power struggle situations with students. It is important to keep in mind that the social contract is the framework from which we are working. In many cases, what is occurring during a power struggle is the student testing the integrity of the social contract. The are saying in essence �No!� to our class agreement.� When a student defies us openly, we are naturally going to feel angry and offended, and our tendency (encouraged by our own defensive pain-body reaction) would then be to exert our power and show the student who was boss. While this may feel satisfying in the moment, it produces a number of undesirable effects, including:
Chapter Reflection 15-k: What is your tendency when students challenge you? What happens when we take the challenge and engage the student? So what do we do when a student challenges us instead of reacting to the personal offense with reactivity or some kind? Cuwin and Mendler offer a process for dealing with a power struggle successfully.� It provides a coherent and sensible approach to dealing with student-teacher conflict that will save us a lot of pain and suffering. And as we consider it within the context of the social contract it has the following effects:
Dealing with a power struggle Curwin and Mendler offer the following 7-steps to success when confronted by a student who attempts to engage us in a power struggle. �
By and large power struggles are a result of a student�s attempt to satisfy an unmet need.� Students who feel a sense of power and control, are making progress toward their goals, are supported by the teacher, have avenues to share concerns, and are given choices and not backed into corners by harsh directives will be much less likely to feel the need to engage the teacher in a power struggle.
If the encounter begins publicly, quickly move it into a private, one-to-one interaction.� A public stage will put the student in a position where they must defend their image, and put you in a position that you feel the need to demonstrate your power. Chapter Reflection 15-l: Recall the social learning model here. What does a public implementation create? What does the �audience factor� affect the student�s thinking?
If the student tries to hook you in by making you feel guilty or responsible for their inappropriate behavior, simply ignore the hook and give the responsibility back to the student.� A hook is intended to shift the focus externally to you or another factor. They act to shift blame and pull you in. If you become drawn in on a personal level, the student is then in control. Chapter Reflection 15-m: What hooks have you heard students use? Share your story with your colleagues or classmates? Reflect on what hooks are trying to do, and why it is so tempting to play into them. Figure 15.3: Common power struggle hooks can include the following phrases:
It is counterproductive to show anger or to �flex your muscle.�� Instead, with a calm voice, acknowledge to the student that things appear to be heading toward a power struggle, which would surely make any eventual outcome worse.� Ask the student to consider how the situation could end up in a �win-win� scenario.
Use phrases such as, �I understand that you feel the way you do, but that does not mean that it excuses what you did,�� �Those feelings make sense, I can see why you think that, but . . .� Feelings are important and valued, but they are aside from the essential point. Throughout the process we need to project an unconditional positive regard for the student. We need to side with their feelings and concerns, but at the same time maintain a clear understanding that they are accountable. If we go negative, they will lose sight of the intervention being about their responsibility and see it as a punishment that is coming from an external agent (i.e., us).
No matter what �hook� the student tries to use, keep the focus on the fact that the student made a choice to violate the rule/social contract (i.e., �I understand that you feel this is unfair, but you made the choice to ____ and the consequence we decided on for that is ____.�)� They chose to act in the way they did, and therefore they need to accept responsibility.� If the student does not want to accept the logical or agreed upon consequence, then they can make the choice to accept a more significant consequence, such as losing the opportunity to be part of the class/activity.� Calmly repeating the agreement or being a �broken record� can reinforce the point to the student that the next things that needs to happen is that they need to make a choice or take responsible action. The rest of the conversation is secondary. But be careful not to badger the student. A calm or encouraging affect can each be effective, but aggressiveness will be counterproductive. There is no need to act powerful � the reality is that you have the real power of the social contract and your rights as a teacher. Chapter Reflection 16-n: When you visualize being in a power struggle with a student do you find yourself naturally wanting to be either aggressive or feeling fearful. Visualize a power struggle situation. What emotions do you feel arising? Now visualize the interaction without fear or aggressiveness, simply awareness and clear communication. Can you feel your thinking becoming clearer, and do you now see the student as less threatening as well?
After you have successfully communicated to the student their choices, it is not useful to dwell on this student�s behavior. There is no need to hover or pressure the student.� Shift your attention back into your teaching. Model constructive, rational, positive behavior. Applying the Steps to a Classroom Situation Now let us applying these 7 steps above to a classroom situation in which a student challenges us to a power struggle (see table 15.1). In this case we will assume that we have done an effective job of developing our social contract and creating clear expectations in our class. However, on this day, for some reason, maybe some displaced aggression from an earlier parent � child interaction, the student feels a need to challenge us, and engage us in a power struggle. Power Struggle Scenario: Imagine that you have just completed an activity where your students individually completed a project that required them to use paper and poster making materials. You gave the class a 5-minute warning before you asked them to clean up their desk areas and get ready to go. As you are ready to dismiss them, you detect that on one desk there is still a noticeable amount of paper. Doing a good job of technical management (and consistent with your social contract), you calmly repeat the expectation, �When all the desks are clear and all the materials are put away, we can go.�� On just about any other day, this would have been sufficient to motivate the particular student to fulfill their responsibility to the class and its social contract. But for some reason, today is different. The student does not move to clear their desk. Lets suppose that the student is hinting at his or her disposition on the matter by avoiding eye contact with you. As your blood pressure begins to rise, you realize that you need to be purposeful and deliberate right now, and use this opportunity to take a step forward in your own conflict skills, toward better classroom relationships, and improved clarity or the classroom social contract. You dismiss the rest of the class and ask the student to stay. Table 15.1: Application of the 7-step process outlined previously for successfully resolving a power struggle to the case above.
Fearing the idea of students saying NO As long as the student makes the choice, by virtue of their willful action, to dismiss or reject the social contract, they have made the choice to step outside of it until they show a commitment to being a responsible member. It may be the case that no student makes that kind of choice all year. If we do a good job of creating a healthy learning community, it is likely to happen rarely if ever. But if we fear a student engaging us in a power struggle or rejecting a request, we will always carry a bit of unnecessary anxiety. Our fear may lead us to such actions as ignoring or rationalizing a student�s choice to dismiss the class contract or implementing a punishment that does not hold the student responsible for their choice, like sending them to the office. Yet, if we keep in mind that, at any moment, a students has the choice to be responsible or not to be responsible. So, if they choose not to be, that is their right, and we do have to get angry or scared, we simply need to give them a clear context to make future choices. Therefore, it is possible that one day a student may choose to step out of there commitment to the class, and we need to be able to show the tough love it takes to let them make that choice.
If on the other hand we let fear or sympathy guide us to letting the student off the hook, we have sent a powerful message to the rest of the class that when students say �No� to the social contract, the teacher will not hold them accountable. Examined within the social learning model the message is that the contract is neither sound nor sacred. While no other student may see themselves as wanting to disrespect the contract, they will likely lose respect for it, when they view it being disregarded. It may not be conscious, but expect an erosion of commitment to the social contract. Conversely, when we hold students accountable, no matter how difficult it may be, we send the message to the members of the group that the social contract has integrity. Chapter Reflection 15-o: When a student says no to you, what has your inclination been to this point? How will you approach it in the future? Conclusion Conflict will be present in any class. How we process it will define the effect that it has on our students.� As we examine the process for creating the 1-style classroom and the qualities of a classroom community in the coming chapters, you will recognize that conflict can be an opportunity for growth. Moreover, it can provide a means to discovering the empowerment that comes from knowing that one can maintain awareness and intention in the face of problematic situations. In addition, power struggles can become opportunities to learn responsibility and to strengthen the social contract. In the next chapter we will examine how to work with difficult students. We will need to build on the concepts from this chapter to be effective. If we take the position that difficult students need to be punished and put in their place, we will find ourselves engaged in perpetual power struggles, and our efforts will not support the growth of the student toward more functional behavior. Journal Reflections 1. Recall the last power struggle that you have observed. Did the teacher use the skills and processes recommended in the Chapter? 2. Reflect on the classes that you have observed that seem to be conflict-free. What did the teacher do to promote this condition? Conversely, reflect on those classes that seemed to be mired in conflict on a regular basis. What did the teacher do to contribute to the situation? Chapter Activities 1. In small groups, role play power struggle scenarios. Have one member of the group take the role of the student who is trying to hook the teacher into a power struggle, and one member take the role of the teacher who is trying to guide the interaction to a positive outcome. It will be helpful to pay attention to the steps suggested by Curwin and Mendler on page --. Some possible power struggle scenarios:
After the role play, have all members of the group discuss what they would have done, and whether they felt the intervention of the member taking the role of the teacher was effective and why. 2. The next time someone initiates conflict with you, see if you can apply the skills outlined in the win-win conflict resolution on page --. Then reflect on the difference it makes in coming to a constructive outcome. 3. Conduct a web-quest related to conflict resolution programs. In your search engine, put in the words, �conflict resolution� �school-wide� or �classroom� explore some of the sites that outline successful programs.� What do you find that these programs have in common? 4. In your group role play the following conflict resolution situations. Choose either the elementary or secondary scenario. Pick on member of your group to be the teacher and two others to be students. Elementary Student A comes to you and tells you that student B has been pushing them. Student A is crying.� Student B quickly comes up to your desk and tells you that student A was pushing them too. Help guide the students through a conflict resolution process. Secondary As you approach one group in your class you can see that they are off track. Student A tells you that student B is not doing their job in the project. Student B says that they are doing what they were told to do earlier, but now the group is changing their minds. Student A laments that Student B is going to cost them a good grade, and has been misrepresenting what they said. Student B, is getting defensive and threatens to give up and let the other do their part. Help guide the students through the conflict to a more productive and amicable place. References Bluestien. J. (1999) 21st century discipline. Fearon Teacher Aids. TorranceCA Gordon. T (2006) Teacher Effectiveness Training. Gordon Publishing International. SolanaBeach. CA Myers, I., McCauley, M., Hammer, (1998) Manual for Use: Myers-Briggs Type Inventory. Consulting Psychologist Press, Palo Alto, CA. Tolle, Eckhart (1999) The Power of Now. Namaste Publishing, Vancouver, Canada |