Which self represents those parts of yourself about which neither you nor others know?
If you were an executive coach who interacted with Show
… you would probably see certain characteristics emerging over and over that were “make or break” qualities in one’s success. Dave Yarnes is just such a coach. One of the qualities he noticed in countless individuals that seriously limited (or accelerated) their ability to succeed: Self-Awareness – Understanding and addressing who you really are, and how you come across to others (but you can’t see)… yet everyone else can see. In fact, this quality of “self-awareness” is so crucial that researcher Dr. Tasha Eurich called it, “The Most Important Skill of the 21st Century.” You know people like this, right? People who are oblivious or self-deceived on how they come across.
Sure, everyone knows other people who have this issue… but here’s the real problem: Everyone (yes, that means you and me, too) are blind to certain dimensions of who we really are. “You can fool yourself, you know. You’d think it’s impossible, but it turns out it’s the easiest thing of all.” ― Jodi Picoult Here is what executive coach Dave Yarnes repeatedly saw: Until you address your blind spot, you will continue to limit your ability to influence others and succeed at the level you desire. I’m going to show you an effective method to overcome this blindness… so you can become a more influential, well respected and successful person (at home, at work/school, in life). Self-Awareness: Seeing Our BlindnessThere is something about human nature that make it easy to spot a problem in others… but virtually blind to it in yourself. “You notice the little piece of sawdust that is in another person’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood that is in your own eye.” -Jesus (Matthew 7:3) Human observation also confirms this dynamic. Not only is it hard to see who we really are… we often prefer to believe a fantasy. “Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky “The lies we tell other people are nothing compared to the lies we tell ourselves.” ― Derek Landy “I suppose I have a highly developed capacity for self-delusion, so it’s no problem for me to believe that I’m somebody else!” – Daniel Day-Lewis Person being interviewed for a job: “How are my people skills? Oh, that is one of my strengths! What kind of idiotic question is that?” Research has identified numerous self-deceiving biases that are hard wired in us:
Want to learn about more of the hidden influences distorting your perceptions? Get our free infographic: 50 Distorting Influences Impacting Your Perceptions of Reality Unconsciously, we distort what we think others are perceiving about us. We assume they see us the same way we see (or want to see) ourselves. For example, I see myself as a good listener (and believe you see this, too). But, in reality, those who know me would say, “Ummm, Pat sometimes you, umm just don’t listen. It seems like you are only waiting for your turn to talk.” Sadly, I am blind to aspects of who I really am. We all are. Our Blind Spot and the Johari WindowI have found the Johari Window diagram very helpful to understand the dynamics of what is seen… and what is hidden…to you and others.We all have these 4 quadrants of understanding operating in our lives. For us to grow and become the authentic person we were created to be, we must grow in ALL the quadrants. The Blind Spot quadrant is the hardest one (with the Hidden quadrant being a close second). Why? Because often it is scary to face the truth. Do you really want to hear the truth that you are not as wonderful as you desperately want to believe? That there are things you do that hurt people? I can hear that song in my head… “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.” – Fleetwood Mac Yes, it is scary. But remind yourself: … everyone else (except you) already knows the truth… you have nothing to gain from being the only person out of step with reality. IF you truly want to have greater positive influence and impact in the world around you, you must face reality… and work on your shortcomings. “Self-delusion is pulling in your stomach when you step on the scales [it doesn’t change reality].” – Paul Sweeney If you are blind to aspects of who you really are, how can you learn the truth so you can grow? 5 Effective Ways to Overcome Your Blind Spot… and Grow1. WHERE to get the truth – Solicit feedback from othersThe only way you can see what you can’t see is to enlist the help of others around you. “The road to self-insight runs through other people.” – David Dunning, researcher (University of Michigan) But, not just from anyone and everyone. 2. WHO to get feedback from- Select individuals There are people in our lives who are Critical Carl or Carla. Most, if not all of their feedback is overly critical or just their opinion. They think you need to be more like them, and when you aren’t, they point it out. Avoid these people. Instead, identify people in your life who fit the following criteria:
3. HOW to get feedback from the right people One of the biggest challenges to getting honest feedback from the right people is helping them feel safe to give their insights. Giving constructive criticism is not always easy to offer or receive. Here are 2 ways to creating an atmosphere of safety where people feel free to say what they are thinking (and you need to hear):
4. HOW to receive the feedback your given There is a part in all of us that does not want or welcome honest feedback. No one really likes to be told what they are doing wrong. But, here’s the trick I have found that makes it easier: Receive the truth like you would in the 3rd person situation, distancing yourself from taking it personally. For example, imagine you and another person are working together on a project and you present it to the boss. When the boss starts to critique areas where your colleague’s work needs to improve, do you get defensive? No. Only when the feedback is focused on you. I am suggesting you receive feedback on yourself as though it were for someone else… an alternate version of yourself. This mental distancing helps reduce taking the feedback personally. 5. HOW to create a positive feedback (growth) loop When you ask for feedback, and receive it, now what? Why not enlist the help of the same safe people you just got feedback from? Leadership author Ford Taylor suggests a X step process:
This 4 step process will help you get the upper hand on your blind spots… and really grow into a better person. There is one additional HUGE benefit that will come your way when you use this feedback loop… your esteem in the eyes of the people around you will soar. Think about it, how do you feel about people who are honest about their faults, apologize when they step over the line, and are actively working to improve in those areas? It is hard not to admire and respect these people. You feel safe around them… and even inspired to be more like them. Who wouldn’t want to be that kind of person? All because you intentionally choose not to remain blind, or cling to a self-protecting fantasy. Instead, you face the truth (with a little help from your friends) and become more of the person you and others love to be around. Your Turn!What is the hardest part for you in growing in your self-awareness? What is unknown to self but known to others?Blind Spot — Unknown to self, but known to others: Sometimes we communicate something we are unaware of.
Which of the window pane represents information about yourself about which neither you nor others know?Hidden: The third pane is referred to as 'hidden' or 'facade'. This information is known to the individual, but not known to anyone else. This may consist of private information, which the individual chooses to keep hidden.
What are the parts of yourself that you consider to be part of the open self?The Public or Open Self
This refers to the part of ourselves that we openly share with others, and that can be openly discussed, and jointly understood. This may include aspects of your personality, attitudes, behaviours, emotions, skills, and life views.
Which of the following represents information about yourself that others know but you do not?7. Paragraph Three Your Blind Self. Your blind self represents all the things about yourself that others know but of which you're ignorant. These include, for example, your habit of rubbing your nose when you get angry, your defense mechanisms, and your repressed experiences.
|